There Your Heart Will Be Also

A couple years ago I went to our church because they were doing a 24/7 prayer and worship week. I sat on the floor between the rows of chairs and half-listened to the IHOP-KC webstream that was playing. I started praying and asking God to speak to me, and I don't remember details but I do remember feeling that I needed to repent for self-hate. I think that's the first time I became aware of the fact that I tend to not be a huge fan of myself. I'm pretty sure it's heavily rooted in the fact that I hate making mistakes; I hate failing. And since I'm human that is bound to happen repeatedly. Please hear me if you're reading this: I am not writing this post to get people worried about me or thinking there is something extreme going on with me, and I'm not writing it to get a bunch of people commenting about how great they think I am. I want to write this so that if you're reading and you've struggled with loving yourself too you will know that you'...

Today at church our Pastor, Justin, painted this scenario for us -- what if you were in a long distance race with the best long distance runner in the world? (That would suck. And I'm not sure WHO that is currently, but we'll call him Bill). You would probably train like crazy, maybe sit down with some long distance runners you admire and get their advice...it would likely be the main thing you think about as you prepare for that day. But what if, right before the race started Bill came up to you and said: "Listen, I know you've worked hard to get here. I know everything you've gone through; I've been through it myself, but you and I both know there is no way you're going to beat me in this race. So I've decided I'm going to share the winnings with you -- all the fame, glory, money -- I'll share it all with you. So do your best in the race, but just know that no matter where you finish you will win." I thought to myself, "Yea...I s...

The other day this song came on the only good radio station I've been able to find in Nashville -- Lightening 100. I didn't hear any of it really except for one line: "Keep on dreamin' even if it breaks your heart." At first you wonder: Why? Why should I keep dreaming when my heart gets broken over it. The answer is because we have to. If we stop dreaming, we just become shells of who we're supposed to be, aimlessly wandering with no fire in our hearts and no joy within our presence. Those of you who have dreams know what I'm talking about. There was a time when getting married was a major dream for me. Then I dreamed of having a professional job. Then Joel and I dreamed of living in Nashville. God has blessed my life with the fulfillment of these dreams. But those of you who have dreams also know that the time before a dream is realized can be so difficult. You can feel the desire for this dream so strongly in your heart, but you're met with not...